Changes…

IMG_0944[1]3As some of you who’ve seen my Facebook page may know that my Jackie passed away on Tuesday. He was my heart, my soul, my best friend. We met when we were barely more than children and we were inseparable from that point on. Even to the end. I am incredibly broken and hurting right now, but I will be okay…someday. Maybe.

I think it must be easy to die for someone you love.  You only need to give up your life and go into the next existence. But to live for your lost love is much harder I think. I know he’d want me to work, because he hated laziness. I know he’d want me to laugh, because he’d say stupid, silly and sometimes crazy dirty things and say ‘Go on, I know you want to laugh.’ So I will. And each moment will be a battle won. And I know that beyond all, he loved me and was proud of me and my work. He told me so every day.

My writerly name is of course a pen name. My kids were young when I decided to try to publish my work. I wanted to protect them and him from any negative feedback or nutbars. Jackie and I talked about the name thing, what I planned to use and why. We settled on Brynna (for my Aunt Brenda) and Curry (for my ancestry) and the B C from my real name carries over. Now that the kids are older, I don’t need that separation anymore. I am proud to carry my love’s name. My name is Bethany Cagle and all my books from here on out will include my name writing as Brynna Curry, the name we created.